Day 14, 15, 16:
I had such a lousy week and weekend. By the time Monday arrived, I was devoid of creative energy. That’s why this is a combination of three days I missed. Now, I didn’t miss those three days because they were negative. The last three days are the most alive and happy I’ve felt in years. It may not last – I hope it does.
That’s right. I’m telling you that I haven’t been depressed. I haven’t been funky, fatigued, feeling like a failure, or anything remotely related for three days.
Monday was alright. It wasn’t anything super special, but I never hit the late afternoon slump.
Tuesday was brilliant. I’ve not felt such enjoyment in months and all while eating a taco. Taco Tuesday! It’s always great to drive out to western Massachusetts.
Wednesday wasn’t unique, but I spent most of the day completely good. I’m writing this on Wednesday evening, reflecting on what feels like a pretty stellar week compared to the misfortunes of the weekend.
Today’s Anthem: Nine Inch Nails – Closer
Today’s Book: Preston & Child – Crooked River
Pain: How badly did the treatment hurt? Did I have headaches afterward? Other issues?
2/5 – Pain was okay. None after treatment.
Sleep: How’d I sleep? How many hours? Quality?
4/5 – I had some excellent sleep nights. A few cases of waking up lightly or from dreams but overall great.
Appetite: How’d I feel about eating? What did I eat?
4/5 – My appetite was appropriate and consistent. However, my appetite was especially ravenous on Tuesday.
Physical Activity: What did I feel capable of doing? What did I ultimately do? How did I feel afterward?
4/5 – If I’d had just a touch more energy I might’ve taken over the world.
Motivation: How much proactive motivation did I have? What motivated me? What were my goals? Did I hit them?
3.5/5 – Motivation existed. However, I struggled to remain focused on any specific task. I wanted to do everything.
Baseline Mood: What am I feeling as a baseline.
Monday: 4/5 – Decent day.
Tuesday: 5/5 – Drove. Visited places. Ate good food.
Wednesday: 4/5 – Decent day.
Happenings: What’s happened today that may impact my baseline?
Self-care. Good friends. Good Food.
Reactions: What were my reactions to the happenings?
Learnings: What did I learn, observe, etc.?
I’m terrified this won’t last. I observed that there are still memories that can be regained from before cancer treatment. I found joy and excitement in forgotten things. I learned more about various fetish subcultures. I devoured books and discovered things.