Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) Post #21, 22, 23

Day 21, 22, 23:
Last week, I was grateful for my treatment. It afforded me the ability to approach a challenging week with a moderate attitude. Having been hired by an organization, Laura moved to Florida on Friday. Despite our struggles over the past year, she has remained a regular and welcome presence in my life.

The treatment itself hasn’t offered any recent developments beyond my consistently better emotional starting point. I find myself hoping that this isn’t the end of the benefits of this treatment. Is it wrong to be greedy and want more?

I hope this isn’t a pyrrhic victory—a mediocre success at the end of a time-intensive and financially expensive road. I endeavor to be content with the improvement; however, this year has been tough. Tired and exhausted, I need to feel that I have covered some real distance and made some positive changes. It’s difficult not to become discouraged in the face of the struggles.

I do. I appreciate the gifts this treatment has given. In my greed, I want more. I want to be stronger. I want to skip to the end. I want to know myself.

On a more positive note, I befriended an octopus and it performed tricks for me by billowing out across the window of the tank I was viewing. What amazingly weird and beautiful creatures.

Today’s Anthem: Dead Sara – Heaven’s Got a Back Door

Today’s Book: Ursula K. Le Guin – No Time to Spare

Pain: How badly did the treatment hurt? Did I have headaches afterward? Other issues?

4/5 – Not sure why but today hurt more than usual.

Sleep: How’d I sleep? How many hours? Quality?

3/5 – Mediocre. I do admit to having read deep into the night.

Appetite: How’d I feel about eating? What did I eat?

3/5 – Okay. Mellow. Stuffed Peppers. Irish. Moe’s.

Physical Activity: What did I feel capable of doing? What did I ultimately do? How did I feel afterward?

2/5 – I felt okay. I wasn’t going to run a marathon but I wasn’t winded either.

Motivation: How much proactive motivation did I have? What motivated me? What were my goals? Did I hit them?

2/5 – It was difficult to be motivated. I did far too much spinning in my head.

Baseline Mood: What am I feeling as a baseline.

3/5 – I’m alright, not bad, not great.

Happenings: What’s happened today that may impact my baseline?

Laura moved to Florida on Friday. I went to Boston on Saturday. I hid from the world on Sunday.

Reactions: What were my reactions to the happenings?

It was bittersweet on Friday. Saturday was amazing but exhausting. Sunday wasn’t enough.

Learnings: What did I learn, observe, etc.?

I learned that Stingrays feel awesome! Octopuses are amazing. I’m a little more lost than I care to admit.

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