It seemed like an eternity had passed. The doctor had left with stolen samples of my neck tissue. Laura, my wife, rocked on her heels, waiting and watching for the door to crack open and spill the truth about my diagnosis. Her hand searched out mine and found it grasping firmly. I looked into her eyes and lied to her for the first time in my life, I said, “It’s going to be fine.”
The doctor returned wearing a professional and yet somehow cold smile. Her lips parted and out rolled the sum of her expertise.
“Mr. Sedberry upon my initial examination you have cancer. I cannot tell you what specific kind you have until the test results come back on Monday,”
My sanity began to waver but I caught sight of Laura. The look on her face was terrifying. I could see in her eyes that her world was crashing down around her, all of her hopes and dreams were shattered upon the floor. Her eyes were swelling to the brim with tears and she broke into a sobbing, blubbering mess.
I reached out and pulled her deep into an embrace. As her tears soaked my shirt, I realized that I must stay strong for her and I instantly buried all emotion. I tell her “We will get through this.” I don’t know that I believe it but my words help Laura regain her strength. As Laura grows stronger I felt myself tightening up and sealing in the edges.
Laura kissed me, looked deep into my eyes and said, “Don, I love you, we will get through this, I promise.”
I make the effort to look unconcerned and say with finality, “I know, I love you so much..” I had never felt such fear in my life. I thought that I was going die almost immediately, like I had run out of time, I couldn’t catch my breath and I felt like I was falling fast to the ground. There’s nothing more dizzying than a cancer diagnosis. Worst of all I felt I had to hide those feelings from Laura, that was a mistake I would never redeem myself from.